How To Get Control Back In Your Life

Instagram was founded in 2010, only 14 years ago.

Facebook was founded in 2004, but became really popular in 2009, 15 years ago.

After that, social media completely took over our lifes.

We are constantly online and connected to the whole world. And while this has its benefits, there sure are downsides.

We are connected to the outside work 24/7. We see what other people are doing all the time.

We can't handle the dopamine rewards from scrolling on social media, so we are all doom scrolling.

The average American person spends 7 hours per day to an internet-connected screen. And for teens it's even more.

And because these issues didn't exist up to 15 years ago, we don't even realize how big the problem is.

It's a distracted world

More than 60% of the population experiences stress and anxiety.

And that's no wonder. Other people only post on social media their good experiences. So when you see these, you think you are behind.

You get the feeling that you should be doing fun stuff, like other people do.

You get the feeling that your life is worse than everybody else's. This causes a fear of missing out, and only increases your anxiety and stress.

Scrolling on social media also depletes your dopamine. SM is so carefully designed that you can't stop scrolling.

Dopamine is the molecule in your brain that gets you out of your bed to go to the gym.

It's the molecule that gives you the ability to focus on important tasks.

If you open Instagram right after you wake up, and scroll for a bit, your dopamine 'provision' is completely drained.

Doing difficult tasks (that actually serve your life) become impossible to do when your dopamine is depleted. You've lost your ability to focus.

We already have so much to do. Social media makes us feel like we have even much more to do.

But social media is also the reason you can't do even more. It takes up al your dopamine that you use to actually do something.

You are distracted and overwhelmed.

School system

We are going through a very interesting period. The whole world is 'moving' online, but the school system is still very old-fashioned. Or even behind.

Going to college and get a good job doesn't do it anymore. You'll be underpaid and unfulfilled.

You have studied your whole young life, only to not be able to afford life.

So all in all, your school was a waste of time and money.

So we got rapid technological changes that our brain can't process. And we got a school system that doesn't serve us anymore.

How can we get control of on our life back?

The 4 pillars for control

The foundation is the most important part of a building. Without it, the whole building collapses.

It is the same with us humans. If your foundation is shaky, your whole life trembles.

So, what should you work on to gain back control in your life?

I call it the 4 pillars for control:

I: Inner life

II: Outer life

III: Present life

IV: Future life

Just as you can't build a very tall building on a weak foundation, so you can't build a future if your inner life is a mess.

Thus, you should build your life step by step, starting with your inner life.

I: Inner life

You spend your whole life with yourself. If you don't have a good relationship with this person, you are doomed.

The quality of your inner life is mostly determined by the quality of your mind.

The quality of your mind is mostly determined by the quality of your habits and actions.

Someone who meditates and reads daily has a better inner voice than someone who smokes weed and plays video-games everyday.

What I like to do, is to have set moments in my day where I meditate and read.

I meditate in the morning, after I wake up. After that I read a bit. Then I go to work. This way, you start the day calm and energized. That's much better than waking up, scrolling social media, en then go to work.

You have to find your own rithm that works. But, the earlier in the day you meditate, the bigger the benefits, and the lower the chances of not doing it.

Understand your judgements

Because of our mind and ego, we are also judgemental. During the day, whether online or in real life, we constantly judge and criticize people.

What we actually do, is assess whether someone is better of worse than us. And we are almost always better than the other person. This is just your ego playing tricks on you.

What I like to do, is to make a note of all these judgements that I do, and then in the evening, write them out. I ask myself questions like:

- Why acted this person this way or that way?

- Why do I think that's better or worse?

- What makes me think that I know it better than him/her?

By doing this, you'll quickly notice that you judge almost everyone, but it is based on nothing.

Your judging will quickly dissolve.

The effect of this, is that your inner 'world' become a happier and friendlier place to live.

That's where you want to end up. A mind that's full of peace and love. Only then, can you work effectively on the rest of your facets of life.

II: Outer life

Humans are social creatures. We crave connection. Locking yourself in your house all day is detrimental for your mental health.

The easiest way to work on this area of your life is to join a club or gym. You'll meet people, socialize with them, and you'll get fitter too.

Another activity is to meet with friends. Instead of playing videogames or watching Netflix, call some friends and have a laugh. Take the initiative in this.

You can't have a good life, if you never have connections with people.

And now that you are working on your inner life, it becomes much easier to connect with others.

Others notice that your mind, your house, is a place of peace and love. Making friends and connections becomes almost effortless because of this.

III: Present

In today’s world, the bar is extremely low. We as a society have set low standards for ourselves.

We slack through college. We slack through our career. All doing the minimal. This is the reason grade inflation exists. We are not putting in the effort anymore.

But on a subconscious level, you know this. You feel this.

You know you could be doing more. You know you could be doing better. But because you don't do this, you feel overwhelmed and out of control.

Whether you are in school or have a job, start doing your best.

My uncle always told me: "It doesn't matter what kind of job you'll get, as long as you try to become the best."

And he was right. In this world there is a great shortage of smart people doing their best.

Making the habit of always doing your best, in everything you do, sets you up for the rest of your life.

Companies want people who do their best. Women (and men) want relationships with people who do their best. Friends want friends who do their best.

Pull away from the mediocrity. Make a commitment to yourself. Everything you do, do your best, and get better.

That's the number 1 trick to gain control back in your life.

Genuinely doing your best. Don't leave room for mediocrity.

You feel out of control because you know you could be doing more. When you know you couldn't possibly be doing more, you'll feel completely in control.

IV: Future

Now, all you have left to work on is the future you. Your inner world and outer world are taken care of. You are doing your utter best at school or your job. Your foundation is strong.

Think for yourself. What would you really want to do in life? If anything was possible, what would you choose?

Work towards that.

For me, this would be traveling the world and getting paid for writing. So in my spare time, I write online. I take in one step at a time. After I've taken care of the pillars above.

For you, this could be something completely else. Maybe you want to become an MMA fighter. Or a Poet. Or maybe you want to become an entrepreneur.

The thing is, you can't become any of these things if you are depressed or anxious. Have zero social life, and are slacking at your job or school.

You need to have the first 3 pillars of Inner, Outer, and Present life in check before you can build on a beautiful future.

Besides that, you need a side project. A project that you can focus on for self-improvement. Otherwise, you'll give in to distractions and bad habits.

Before I started this writing thing, I spend hours watching Netflix. Wasting my time.

Building a side project to improve the life of your future self is an accelerator for self-improvement.

It's your choice

There isn't one perfect way to live. There are plenty of people who became successful entrepreneurs while their life's where crumbling.

But there are also millions of people who live a life of mediocrity and complacency. All because they don't have their mind under control.

They distract themselves from their miserable lives by doom-scrolling, doom-watching. Drinking and judging others. Not realizing that they are the problem.

Life is too precious and too beautiful to live that way.

I'd say, take it slow. Start meditating for 10 minutes. Read your favorite book for 5 pages. See how you feel afterwards.

And take it from there.

You don't have to become a hippy or a guru right away.

Find your own routine that makes you, and your future you, feel the best.

Take care of yourself,

Vincent