How To Start Trusting Yourself

You are born into this world without any manual or guide. In fact, we all are.

And that's what makes this life difficult. We don't have a clue what we actually have to do.

So we look for answers in our parents, friends and teachers. But they are also born without a manual. So they also don't have a clue what they are doing.

As a consequence, we end up in the same place as the people around us. And maybe we don't even want that. But what's the alternative?

The alternative is to follow your own path. And have so much trust and confidence in yourself that you don't have to look at other people for answers and guidance.

Of course, that sounds great on paper. But how do you develop this trust and confidence in yourself?

The 3 steps to self-confidence

Most people have no idea what they are doing. They act as they are self-confident, but in fact, they wear a mask.

Deep down, they are children. Judging themselves, and other people. It's arrogance and insecurity, dressed as confidence.

That’s not what you want. You don’t wan’t the emotional maturity of a 15 year-old.

You want to develop true self-confidence.

This is confidence not based on your possessions, clothes or watches you have.

This is confidence that is based on your ability to handle life.

You trust yourself that you can handle any situation at your job, or any social interaction or whatever.

Self-confidence is a perspective, a mindset.

It is a thought-pattern that is lifting you up, instead of down.

My definition of confidence is:

Confidence is trust in yourself that you can handle everything that life throws at you.

You can't fake this. You have to develop this. It's a skill. And just as any other skill you can develop you have to working this.

Every single day.

Step 1: Become excellent

You can't just go out in the world and become the next Elon Musk or Brad Pitt.

To develop true self-confidence, you have to become excellent at the things you are already good at.

Doesn't matter what you are doing in your daily life. Whether you got a job, or go to school.

Get extremely good at it. Stop slacking.

If you are in school, become an A student. If you work at Starbucks, become the best barista of your place. Become an authority figure. Let people come to you for advise.

Get so good at your job that people come to you for help.

This means, stop slacking. Stop half-assing everything you do in life.

It's going to take a lot of energy. It might mean you have to stay longer at your office. Or getting in earlier.

This means taking responsibility. Instead of giving it away.

You are now set on a path of excellence and greatness.

How you do one thing, is how you do everything - Brandon Nankivell

Doing your utter best sets the tone for the rest of your life. You can now actually look yourself in the mirror and say: I did my best today.

Do your best enough days in a row, and watch your self-talk change. You'll start to trust yourself.

The 'habit' of doing your best at your job will ripple through to other aspects of your life.

In practice, this means, try to get conscience of it. What are you doing on 40%-60%?

When you work out, are you just moving, or actually getting stronger?

When you watch Netflix, are you really watching or are you simultaneously scrolling on your phone?

Make a list of the general things you do in a week. Be honest with yourself and rate how good a job you do at these things.

All the things you do in your life right now, you want them to be doing at a 80%-100% dedication.

Step 2: Face your fears

Your life is a reflection of the things that you do (obviously).

So doing everything with 100% dedication sets you up for life. But, we all got aspects of our life we are not that good at.

For me, this is socializing. I like to mind my own business. Striking up conversations, getting to know new people, it's not my favorite cup of tea.

But on the other side, there's a lot of profit I can gain in this aspect of my life.

Talking and socializing with people I don't know, could open a lot of doors for me.

But to gain confidence in this, I need to face my fear of talking to strangers. If I want these doors to open, I need to do the talking.

You can read all to books in the world about socializing, but it won't make you good at it. You have to do it.

And that's exactly what I've been doing at my job right now. Instead of minding my own business, I go out of my own way and talk a little bit.

I can still do a lot more, but it's a first step. And I notice the difference already how I'm perceived in the office.

In order to become more self-confident, you have to develop every aspect of your life. Not just the aspects that you are naturally good at.

Especially the areas in which you are underdeveloped will boost your self-confidence immensely.

You are a video-game character You can see your personality, your character, as a video-game character.

When you first start out, all your stats are low. By playing the game, and developing yourself, your stats will go up.

That's what we all have been doing. You pick a specific subject in school, and get specialized in that.

The downside with this is, that the aspects you don't work on, will stay underdeveloped.

If you are not naturally good at socializing, like me, this will never get 'high stats'.

Unless, you realize this, and consciously try to improve it. You want to max out your stats in every (important) aspect of your life.

For me, these important aspects of life are:

• Physical realm;

• Mental realm;

• Financial realm;

• Spiritual realm.

I try to develop myself in these 4 different 'realms' of life. They could be different for you off course.

I'm 26 now, and my natural skills are all developed. Now it's time to face my fears and get better at the things I'm not naturally good at.

This is how you become more self-confident. This is how you learn to trust yourself.

Step 3: Become a lifelong student

Being proficient and facing your fears is the groundwork for self-confidence.

Face your fears so that you are always expanding yourself. Becoming better at the things you are not good at.

The last step is to keep exploring different interests.

Keep buying books. Go down rabbit holes.

There are so many interesting things in the world. There are literally thousands and thousands of different subjects you can read books about.

Stray away from the common path. Explore subjects that may seem crazy.

Listen to different kinds of music.

Talk to different kinds of people.

The biggest enemy to growth, and thus to self-confidence, is no new insights.

You want to keep shifting your perspective on life.

You are brought up in a culture. And that's how you view the world. But there are hundreds of different worldviews.

And all these different worldviews think they have the best.

To explore these, to learn these, you'll have to go 'in' these cultures.

This means talking to different kind of people. Travel to different countries.

Open-mindedness

In order to shift your perspective, open-mindedness is mandatory. You can't learn new things if you think you know already everything.

Stop judging people. Keep your open-minded.

In my walks, every man I meet is my superior in some way, and in that I learn from him - Ralph Waldo Emerson

We think we know so much. We think we got it all figure out.

But how boring would your life be if you know already everything.

Be open to the possibility that someone knows something.

We all know the old co-worker who doesn't want to learn new things anymore. You don't want to be him.

The only way to prevent this, is to be mindful. Realize that your mind (and your ego) don't want to learn new things. If you give in to this, you'll be stuck in the same place for the rest of your life.

Because of that, it's important to keep learning new perspectives. The easiest way to do this, is by reading books.

The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest minds of past centuries. - Rene Descartes

Books are your gateway to different perspectives.

By developing different perspectives, you'll prevent yourself from getting stuck in one paradigm.

Getting stuck is killing for your spiritual growth.

For me, your spiritual journey is to become completely aligned with your authentic self.

When you are through and through aligned with your authentic self, you are 100% self-confident.

To sum up

Becoming confident is not a matter of materialistic possessions.

If your confidence is attached to materialistic possessions, it can be taken away from you.

self-confidence is the core believe that you can handle life.

It is a skill. You can learn it like any other.

The 3 steps to self confidence are:

1. Become proficient

2. Face your fears

3. keep learning.

Always do your best and go outside of your comfort zone. That's where you grow.

For now, buy a book in a topic that you are interested in. And just start exploring it. The weirder the subject the better. Wander away from the common path.

Become a student of life.

Take care of yourself,

Vincent